My friends and I have a lot in common. We like similar music, television and just about worship all things that are widely considered ‘girly’ in life. During a routine sit down with one of my closest girlfriends we came across an article in a magazine that discussed the woes of being beautiful. Of course being the very opinionated gals we are it sparked a heavy conversation on life as “attractive women”. Sundays are normally my reading days, so in a search for mental stimulation I somehow found a post on TheFrisky.com about how hard it could be to be friends with a pretty woman. I promise you I went into this as impartial as possible, but I emerged from this article with a set opinion that didn’t surprise me at all.
I will not toot my own horn, or that of my friend’s, but its pretty safe to say we’re all attractive women. Not only do we have it together in the looks department but also we’re all college educated, possess a sense of style and are just generally well-rounded individuals. I almost neglected to mention the most important thing, that we are all damn good friends to one another! So I read these words…
“Let’s face it: Beauty is a privilege. It acts like a honing device for male attention, opens doors to clubs, causes compliments to rain upon the lucky ones. But if the parties aren’t careful, a beautiful friend and a regular-looking friend can get locked into a power dynamic. Of course, not every beautiful woman lords her privilege over her less beautiful friends. Still, some do. Beauty is a universally valued quality for a woman; it offers privileges that can always be relied on. The logic of one’s arguments or articulation of one’s emotions, unfortunately, are less reliable. And because plenty of women and men want to be around attractive women just so those privileges can rub off on them, some beautiful women aren’t used to hearing “no.” I truly think my friendship difficulties with pretty women stem from my challenging them with words or reasoning, instead of just falling in line with the power dynamic they try to exert. Jealous? No. I’m resentful. When it becomes clear to me that a beautiful friend of mine plays the “my way or the highway” card, I resent the fact that I’m being valued so little…”
As someone who has heard the words “you are so beautiful” her entire life I can honestly say my beauty has absolutely nothing to do with the way in which I live my life, especially not how I conduct my friendships. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t speak for all attractive women because let’s face it, some people have a completely different journey than others. Take my girlfriend who I mentioned earlier for example. During our discussion she felt that as a pretty girl people don’t realize it can be hard. She’s automatically perceived to be less than smart & judged by her looks all the time. Me on the other hand have had totally different experiences, therefore I possess a different outlook. I totally disagree with Jessica Wakeman’s post because I know first hand that its completely bull. I’m not devaluing her opinion; rather I’m deeming her diagnosis a tad unsuitable. Maybe she personally experienced a shit load of “mean girls” who thought because they were beautiful the sun rose and set on them, but to say that pretty girls are hard to be friends with? Girl, please!
Yes, it is true we all know that spoiled girl who wants to have her way and thinks people should ask ‘how high’ when she requests a jump, but don’t get that confused with every attractive woman. Being attractive is very similar to being born rich. This is the deck of cards you are dealt and you play them how you play them. Some people use their money to jump-start their lives and build something even greater, while others use it as a crutch and an excuse to be lazy. It’s the same thing with beauty, sure you may get free stuff sometimes or things may just go a smidge more easily for you than compared to the female that’s not as conventionally attractive. Trust I’ve had my times where it was blatantly clear I got over because of my looks but I’ve also had times where I was just as pretty and lost. Everyone is different.
Really it comes down to the person you are inside. Whether you are on the receiving end of the mean-girlerization or the giving end its about what’s inside of you not outside of you. I have a tattoo that reads ‘beauty is skin deep’. It’s the character and not the appearance. It’s you. If you are a pretty girl who allows people to think you’re just a talking head with no intelligence, whose fault is it but your own? If you are not conventionally beautiful and you feel as if you can’t be friends with pretty women, is it the pretty women, or is it you? I find it hard to believe that every attractive woman Jessica crosses paths with turned friendship into a “power dynamic” war. I mentioned in an old post that people like to look outside of themselves for happiness, but that’s not the only thing they seek outward for. Rather than look to place blame on others dig deep within yourself and think ‘hmm, I wonder if it was the superior attitude of that pretty girl or my preconceived notions and insecurities”. Let’s be clear if both parties are secure in themselves and their position in the relationship it can all work out. So let me clear it up, as some of my expressed thoughts may have seemed a bit contradicting. Beautiful women are not some mold or Stepford wives that were sent off the assembly line to think they are the rulers of all. Some do but not all, so to make a general statement such as “pretty girls are hard to be friends with” is complete malarkey.
Last and most importantly, ladies, any woman who would dare demean or devalue a friend because she doesn’t look the same or measure up is not a true friend, not a woman and surely is not attractive. You might want to do some self-reflection before you blame it on the “pretty girls”. Surround yourself with confidence. Be confident and I promise you, you may have 99 problems but this won’t be one!